


Angel and Spike - Restraining the Monster in Ourselves

by shadowkat67



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Essays, Gen, Literary References & Allusions, Meta, Other, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-13
Updated: 2009-07-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:40:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22368865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowkat67/pseuds/shadowkat67
Summary: Written in 2003 or thereabouts. An essay about Spike and Angel - vampirism as a metaphor for arrested development, with the soul being a metaphor for growing up.This is not a debate on which vampire you prefer or which deserves to be redeemed, those aren't the questions that interest me. Any more than I am interested in the whole Spike is evil/Angel is good soul debate. No, I'm interested in different questions - some of which are posed below.1. What would you do if you were to become immortal? No more physical pain? No quilt? No fear? You have ultimate power - you aren't going to heaven, you may end up in hell but only if you get staked or decapitated or stay out in the sun.2. What would you do if you were suddenly given the power to hurt everyone who ever hurt you?3. What would you do if the pain was gone? And you were free to slash and burn?4. What would hold you back? Would you become the monster?5. What holds you back now?What do Angel and Spike do?
Kudos: 1





	Angel and Spike - Restraining the Monster in Ourselves

First a few interesting quotes from our favorite vamps :

ANGEL  
Angel: When you become a vampire the demon takes your body, but it  
doesn't get your soul. That's gone! No conscience, no remorse... It's an easy way to live.

FOOL FOR LOVE  
SPIKE: Don't make it sound like something you'd flip past on the Discovery Channel. Becoming a vampire is a profound and powerful experience. I could feel this new strength coursing through me. Getting killed made me feel alive for the very first time. I was through living by society's rules. Decided to make a few of my own.

Now a few questions that have been bugging me:

1\. What would you do if you were to become immortal? No more physical pain? No quilt? No fear? You have ultimate power - you aren't going to heaven, you may end up in hell but only if you get staked or decapitated or stay out in the sun.  
2\. What would you do if you were suddenly given the power to hurt everyone who ever hurt you?  
3\. What would you do if the pain was gone? And you were free to slash and burn?  
4\. What would hold you back? Would you become the monster?  
5\. What holds you back now?

What do Spike and Angel do? 

In Angel Season 2, Prodigal, Darla tells Angel something he never quite understands, maybe because he's afraid to: "What we once were informs all that we have become. (Angel looks at his father's body) The same love will infect our hearts - even if they no longer beat. (Angel looks at his mother's and his sister's body) Simple death won't change that."

What is she saying and why? She tells him this after he kills his father and his entire family. The reason he kills them is out of vengeance not bloodlust. His father was disapproving of him, rejected him, over and over again. So he brutally kills him. And what does Darla tell him?

> Darla: "You're victory over him took but moments. But his defeat of you will last life times."  
>  Angel: "What are you talking about? He can't defeat me now."  
>  Darla: "Nor can he ever approve of you - in this world or any other.." (PRODIGAL, Ats Season 2)

She's right - this simple fact haunts him and motivates him whether he is Angel or Angelus. He wants approval desperately - whether it be from other demons or from humans or from the Powers That Be. He is concerned over how he appears to people, the artistry of his kills, the actions he takes and he does them in a grandiose manner when he is Angelus - take the whole opening the gates of hell idea in Becoming Part I & II (Season 2 Btvs). As Spike puts it - most vampires aren't interested in that, but along comes one with vision. If they don't approve of me - they can literally go to hell! What does he tell Darla when he first rises from his grave?

> Darla: "You can do anything, have anyone in the village. Who will it be?"  
>  Angel: "Any one? (Darla nods) I thought I'd take the village." (PRODIGAL, Season 2 Atvs.)

Angelus prides himself in the "artistry of the kill". Angel prides himself on where he lives, his car, his friends, helping the slayer. Why? Is he still hunting his dead father's approval? Will he always hunt it? Is that what lies behind some of his actions?

Becoming a vampire does not erase what you once were - all it does is remove certain barriers. The monster now has full reign. As Angel puts it - "I could do whatever I wanted, no pain, no remorse." Yet when he regains his soul, he can never quite examine the reasons why, perhaps it is too painful for him? So he makes it simple, I was a Vampire. Vampires= Evil. I had no choice, it's what I was before I got my soul back. I'm not responsible for those crimes. No more than he would have been responsible for them if he lost his sanity, right? He did not remember these crimes. And when he did, it wasn't him. He wasn't in his right mind. But Darla challenges him on this time and again.

Darla: "What a poster child for soulfulness you are. This is no life Angel! Before you got neutered you weren't just any vampire, you were a legend! Nobody could keep up with you - not even me. You don't learn that kind of darkness. It's innate. It was in you before we ever met. - You said you can smell me? Well, I can smell you, too. My boy is still in there and he wants out!" (Dear Boy, Ats Season 2)

It's difficult for us to admit that there is darkness inside us, difficult to see that we are capable of horrible things in a blink of an eye. Angel struggles with this. He struggles with the knowledge that part of him wants to hurt people and is afraid to fully examine why. To look at the darkness that still lives inside him, has always lived there, even when he was just a man. He even tries, albeit unsuccessfully to kill himself, when he realizes that he wasn't a much better man. In some ways he prefers the monster; the monster was simple. "It's the man in me that needs killing not the monster." (AMENDS, Season 3 Btvs)

So what about Spike? Interesting vamp Spike and very different than Angel as both a human and a vampire. Comparing these two can get dicey, sort of like comparing an apple to an orange.

Spike started his existence as a Victorian poet, granted a rather bad Victorian poet - if his peers are to be believed. He was the scholar, the stuttering somewhat haughty bookworm who courted ladies and wrote lovely verse. As "Leslie" on All Things Philosophical Board pointed out - Spike "liked words for their sound (the eternal "effulgent") rather than their sense. He likes how things feel physically; he gets suicidal when he, literally, can't touch things (both when confined to the wheelchair--paralyzed--and newly chipped)." Angel on the other hand likes to feel things mentally, and is into image - having a big house, a cool car, nice clothes, reading thought-provoking books. We rarely see Angel enjoying food or drink, while Spike is ordering a "flowering onion" and drinking quite a bit of alcohol, even has a liquor cabinet. Angel doesn't need anything but blood so he only eats blood. The only time I saw him enjoy food was when he became briefly human in Atvs Season 1. I thought for a while Angel went without for the same reasons that monks go without, but realized it has more to do with what each man/vamp enjoys. Spike's desires are personal or sensual in nature, taste of fine food, smells, cigarettes, alcohol, a fast ride on a motorcycle while Angel's veer more towards what others perceive - clothing, car, big hotel. Ironic because knowing their backgrounds, I would have expected the reverse.

What do we know about William (Spike)? Not as much as we know about Liam (Angel) that is for sure. We know that Spike was once called William, that he was a poet, that he respected his mother, and he loved a girl named Cecily. We also know that Drusilla not Angel was his sire. His anger unlike Liam's appears to be more directed towards his peers than his family. Liam has peers that go out brawling and thieving together. William has no one, he is solitary, a loner. When his peers seek him out, he invariably says the wrong thing.

> ARISTOCRAT #2 Ah, William! Favor us with your opinion. What do you make of this rash of disappearances sweeping through our town? Animals or thieves?  
>  SPIKE(haughty)I prefer not to think of such dark, ugly business at all. That's what the police are for. (looks at Cecily) I prefer placing my energies into creating things of beauty. (Fool For Love, Btvs Season 5)

While Liam usually has no trouble in this department, he is either with his friends or with the ladies, here's a flashback scene from Atvs, Prodigal. Season 2.

> Anna: "Master Liam, your father..."  
>  Angel: "Will be off to church by now, repenting of his sins, and well he should. Closer, Anna."  
>  Anna: "Why do you keep to the shadows, sir? Are you not well?"  
>  Angel: "The light. It bothers my eyes just now."  
>  Angel's dad: "And I know the reason why. (Pushes Angel out into the sunlight of the courtyard) Up again all night, is it? Drinking and whoring. I smell the stink of it on you."

William on the other hand tries to court the girl with poetry, he is Victorian and all courtly.

> CECILY: Your poetry, it's... they're... not written about me, are they?  
>  SPIKE: They're about how I feel.  
>  CECILY:Yes, but are they about me?  
>  SPIKE:Every syllable. Oh, I know... it's sudden and... please, if they're no good, they're only words but... the feeling behind them... I love you, Cecily.  
>  CECILY:Please stop!  
>  SPIKE: I know I'm a bad poet but I'm a good man and all I ask is that... that you try to see me-  
>  CECILY: I do see you. That's the problem. You're nothing to me, William. You're beneath me. (Fool For Love, Btvs Season 5)

One wonders if William would have been better off with Liam's approach, of course the two twenty-six year olds are separated by a century, which I believe is important. They are both men of time and place and environment. Angel/Liam was abused by his father. William as far as we know had no problems with his family; it was his peers that he struggled with along with the ladies.

When they become vampires, who they were colors who they become. As Darla so clearly put it: "What we once were informs all that we have become. The same love will infect our hearts - even if they no longer beat. Simple death won't change that."

So if you hated your family in life, hated the disapproval and were filled with rage against humanity, inflicting that rage through whoring and thieving - what type of immortal do you become? In Liam's case - he wanted to take out the whole village. The whole world. Inflict as much pain as possible. But what is interesting - is he was no longer interested in his human pursuits of thieving and whoring and drunkenness, he became more artistic and more interested in image and reputation.

> ANGELUS: You've got me and my women hiding in the luxury of a mine shaft, all because William the Bloody likes the attention. This is not a reputation we need. SPIKE:Oh, I'm sorry. Did I sully our good name? We're vampires.  
>  ANGELUS: All the more reason to use a certain amount of finesse.  
>  SPIKE: Bollocks! That stuff's for the frilly cuffs-and-collars crowd. I'll take a good brawl any day.  
>  ANGELUS:And every time you do, we become the hunted. (Fool For Love, Btvs Season 5)

But William? William preferred the arty pursuits in life. He seemed almost courtly. I can't imagine William ever breaking a rule or letting loose or being drunk and disorderly like Liam. Yet, Spike loves breaking rules, loves going against the crowd, loves physical pursuits. In some ways he seems to be the opposite of his human self just as Angel seems to be the opposite of his. Yet - it makes sense, when you think about it. Liam hated the disapproval of his family, no matter what he did he couldn't win. So when he becomes a vampire - he destroys them all. William refused to cow tow to the Aristocrats and their vulgarity. He suffered their contempt and possibly blamed them for the loss of Cecily. I've always found it interesting that he changes his name from William the Bloody to Spike paralleling the aristocrats criticism of his poetry: "I would rather have a railroad spike driven through my head than read another line of his poetry." Perhaps that man got his wish? When the man becomes a vampire - his insecurities are unleashed in violence and debauchery. He can inflict the pain others inflicted on him without remorse.

The vampires in Bvts fascinate me, each is such a different creation. Let's look at a few of the fascinating characters Whedon and company have created over the years and their interesting behavior patterns:

1\. Darla - we know Darla was a prostitute dying of syphilis when the Master created her. She has never loved anyone fully except possibly the child she created with Angel. She was a seductress in life and operates in the same manner in death. The people who hurt her in life were "johns". Now she seduces her kill, going after "johns", and wearing numerous guises to do it. From the school girl uniform in Season 1 Bvts to the suite for the lawyers in Atvs.

2\. Drusilla - a chaste girl with visions - she is driven insane by Angelus and made a vampire, eternally tormented by visions. She makes a vampire out of a poet hoping for a companion on her eternal ride. Yet is obsessed with the man who tormented and created her. She was tortured in life and enjoys torturing in death.

3\. Harmony - a follower, wanting to be part of the crowd, she takes her identity from whomever she is with. If Cordelia is the head of the gang - she agrees with everything Cordy says, if Cordy falls out of favor, she is rude and obnoxious to her. She will do practically anything for approval - and will turn to whomever she believes is the one in power for it. She was this way in life as well as death. Angel believes Harmony will turn on Cordelia because she is a "vampire", perhaps he wants to believe this because it is easier; it is nice and compact and lets him off the hook. Vampires always turn on you, it is their nature, no soul = evil. Soul = potential for good. But Angel is forgetting what Harmony was in life. So has Cordelia. Harmony never showed any real loyalty in life - she went wherever the group went. If the group disliked you - she did. Cordelia should have remembered that. In the episode Disharmony, Cordy and Angel send Harmony into a vampire group meeting, a meeting filled with tons of vamps and a motivational speaker. They send her in as a spy. Harmony of course changes sides, joining the majority just as she always did in high school. Before she does this Angel states : "Harmony will turn on you."

> Cordy: "Why? Because *you* did?"  
>  Angel: "Because it's her nature. She's a vampire."  
>  Cordy: "So are you."  
>  Angel: "She doesn't have a soul."  
>  Cordy: "Oh. That's it, is it? You're better than her because you have a soul?"  
>  Angel: "Well, yeah."  
>  Cordy: "I noticed yours didn't get in the way of betraying the people who worked with you, who cared about you." (Disharmony, Atvs Season 2)

Exactly, Cordy gets it. A soul doesn't keep us from betraying each other. All Harmony's soul might have done is make her think twice - or would it? It didn't make her think twice in life or has Cordy forgotten? Way back in Season 3 Btvs, when Cordelia was dating Xander, Harmony turned on her, treated her like crap because of Xander. Because he wasn't accepted by the in crowd. (See Bewitched Bothered & Bewildered Season 2 Btvs) The vampire is only echoing the worst in the human's nature. But it is easier to believe that Harmony does it "just" because she's a vampire. It's easier to blame a monster, because then we can believe that we wouldn't do it. It makes us feel safe. Just as it makes Angel feel safe.

Why don't Angel and Spike kill anymore? Is it the soul or chip holding them back? What is restraining them? They have nothing to fear. As Spike put it in Fool For Love: "becoming a vampire means you have nothing to fear but one girl." And hey she's easy to avoid if they want to.

Angel claims it's guilt, the pain and the remorse that stops him. When he becomes Angelus in Innocence - the first word out of his mouth is "the pain is gone". Remember the gypsies wanted to torture him; they didn't want to give him a gift. According to Angel the gypsy curse has somehow made it possible for him to feel the pain of everyone he's ever hurt. That would be 243 years of pain and suffering he's inflicted. Ah, that sounds like more than a soul they've put in our boy. Perhaps they've added a little something to go with it? Because clearly the Mayor and Warren didn't have this weight on their shoulders, nor did Ben when he decided to turn Dawn over to Glory. Nor did Anya, considering the scores of people she's hurt within the last 1000 years. So is it just a soul? I think there's something else that holds Angel back, something else that motivates him.

Prior to meeting Buffy, Angel was a bum, wandering about the tunnels in disgrace. Then, wham, he met Buffy and slowly over time figured out how to help her. It wasn't instantaneous. At first, he just issued nebulous warnings. (Welcome to the Hellmouth and Harvest). Later he actually started chipping in, though he had to be prodded by Xander and Giles (Out of Sight/Out of Mind and Prophecy Girl Season 1). Finally he openly aided the gang (Season 2). Then, when he left, he formed his own little unit and his own cause to help people. (Atvs Season 1). Somewhere along the line Angel evolved and became the hero Spike derides in IN THE DARK, Atvs Season 1: "No, helping those in need's my job, - and working up a load of sexual tension, and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough! (high voice) I understand. I have a nephew who is gay, so… (low voice) Say no more. Evil's still afoot! And I'm almost out of that Nancy-boy hair-gel that I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away!"

Which brings me back to Spike, what is holding him back? If the Spike from IN THE DARK (season 1, Atvs) were to meet the Spike from The Gift (Season 5 Btvs), what would he say to him? Probably the same thing he wanted to say to Angel. "We're vampires! Get with the program! Stop being the slayer's lap dog!" So why has he decided to help instead of hinder the gang? What is motivating him? Not the same things as Angel, he doesn't have a soul - so the guilt, if it is present, is not the same. The chip only prevents him from physically biting, hitting, or harming people. As he would have put it - there are other ways. Some far more effective. He certainly tried a few of them in Season 4 - The Yoko Factor, where he successfully splits the gang apart? Or in the beginning of Season 5 - Out of My Mind where he successfully delays Riley's operation? Why did he help them at all in the beginning? Money? Even he doesn't seem to be sure. He appears to be grasping for reasons - "pay me" or "I need your cash". Yet in "Where the Wild Things Are", Btvs Season 4 - he had to talk himself out of helping Xander save Buffy? Why did he even offer in the first place?

> XANDER: We're fresh out of superpeople,and somebody's gotta go back in there. (Deep breath) Now who's with me?(Willow and Tara hesitate.)  
>  SPIKE: I am.(Everyone looks at Spike in surprise.) I know I'm not the first choice for heroics ...and Buffy's tried to kill me more than once. And, I don't fancy a single one of you at all. But... Actually, all that sounds pretty convincing. (WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE, Season 4, Btvs)

I always thought that was an odd scene. What was motivating him then, even to think about it? Why go against his own nature? Why didn't he try to kill Giles when he became a Faryal demon in A New Man? (Season 4 Btvs) Money? He didn't get paid up front. Later, when he actually falls for Buffy, we answer this question with the obvious answer - he loves Buffy. He can't stand to see Buffy hurt. But he's a demon - why not find another way of getting her affection? He could kidnap her and have someone turn her into a vampire? What motivates Spike to hold the monster in check? It must be painful for him, going against his nature. He's not really being rewarded for it. The gang has not totally accepted him. Yeah he got to have sex with Buffy, but he couldn't have predicted that last season when he was doing all those noble acts for her benefit. Nor could he have imagined this when she was dead and buried and he stayed behind to help her friends and protect Dawn. When we see him in Afterlife, he's a nervous wreck - worried half to death about Dawn. Why? It's not because of Buffy, Buffy to his knowledge is dead. In Bargaining Part I - he saves Giles' life - why? Why is he even still there? And much later in the season, after Buffy has broken things off and Xander has treated him like scum, why does he help Xander get the monster that poisoned Buffy? (Normal Again - Season 6: shooting script taken from Psyche.)

"Xander gets another clear shot from the ground and nails the demon with a couple more tranquilizers. This time, the demon notices. It turns around to go after him, but Spike jumps from behind and chokes it. The demon stumbles. Beginning to feel the tranqs. And after a struggle, it finally falls…. (edited for length - fight was much longer.)"

Why does he protect Xander from the monster? I'd think he'd let the monster kill Xander - it would be easier. Is it because he still thinks he has a chance of working things out with Buffy? Even Spike seems to be wondering what he's doing after he learns that Buffy thinks they are all figments of her imagination : "On the other hand, could explain some things. This all being in that twisted brain of hers. Fix up some chip'n my head, make me soft so I'd fall in love with her, and then turn me into her sodden sex slave." (NA Season 6 Btvs) Now here's something Spike and Angel have in common - both are blaming external forces for their behavior. For Spike - it's the chip that's done this to him, for Angel it's his soul. And to Angel's credit - he has proof of that, without the soul he turned into a complete and utter monster. But then a soul is different than a chip, right? A soul makes you feel pain - at least a soul given to you by a gypsy curse. I have a hunch poor Angel doesn't have just an ordinary soul…I think this one was manufactured to torture him. But back to Spike.

If it's all about Buffy for Spike - what motivated him to stay in Sunnydale, after Buffy's death, and help people who had shown nothing but dislike and hatred towards him? People who barely tolerated him? What motivated him to continue doing so? Why is he restraining the monster? Is it just love?

Why do we hold back the monster in ourselves? Is it our fear of being caught? What motivates us?

I think it's more than just love for Spike. Just as I think it's more than just guilt for Angel. I think these two vamps have come to an odd realization; one we all come to sooner or later. Sooner or later the violence, debauchery and evil acts ring hollow, become dull, easy, futile, there's no end to them and no challenge. They are the acts of ignorance and blindness. They provide no true rewards. Sometimes energy is better spent on creation than destruction. Notice Spike's delighted surprise when he realizes that it is far more satisfying to have sex with Buffy than to kill her. "I always knew the only thing better than killing a slayer would be f….." (Actually I think he is probably making love to her in his head, regardless of her intentions but that's another debate.) Wrecked, Season 6, Btvs. He's beginning to realize what Anya figured out way back in Forever (Season 5, Btvs) - creating life is more rewarding than destroying it.

This is what I think is happening to Angel and to Spike, I think they are being forced to grow up, but through two totally different paths as is fitting for their characters, since they are two entirely different vampires, an apple and an orange if you will. They are being forced to acknowledge that they are more than a windup toy for good or evil to do the gods bidding. And that destruction while rewarding at the time leaves nothing lasting. Perhaps this realization and not just a chip or a soul is the path out of their mutual states of arrested development. Perhaps similar realizations are the paths out of our own?  



End file.
